This past weekend we had the opportunity to spend time with two other squads. One is finishing up their month four and the other is literally flying home in five days.
Saturday after lunch some girls and I went walking to find ice cream. As we were walking I threw my arms up saying “Dear Jesus, let us have corporate worship tonight.” Knowing deep inside I just needed to be around community and go deep with the Lord. I have found comfort in music lately and the ability to sing out my deepest hurt but also praise the Lord in all His goodness…even when it does not feel good.
That evening we began worship. Singing with 90 other fellow racers in our own secret place. I opened my eyes to people star fishing on the ground, standing with surrendered arms, knelt on the ground laying at the feet of Jesus. Some sitting and praying. Some standing on chairs and belting out their own words.
Then they started playing Good Good Father.
I begin singing. It takes me back to my car in Washington DC when I would often worship to this.
“Because you are perfect in all of your ways.” I sing.
Then the tears start. I look on the ground and count three.
“God how are you perfect in all of your ways? This plan doesn’t feel perfect. I feel so broken.”
Brooklyn comes over to pray. The Lord gives her all the right words to say.
Meagan comes over and puts her arm around me. Mal puts her hand on my lap. Jillian holds one of my hands.
I lean on Meagans lap and let loose of tears that seemed to be held in all day.
I close my eyes, going to my secret place.
There I sit on Abbas lap, in those white picket fence looking chairs. I am laying my head on His chest and He’’s comforting me just how the Lord always seems to do. I continue to just sit in the brokenness. Praying to the Lord and conversing.
Minutes later the speaker gets up. We realize that we have been worshipping for 90 minutes and completely deplete the time that was supposed to be used for him.
I have had really good worship experiences. I have felt the Holy Spirit in many ways but this night was something special. The Lord used Meagan as a physical being to figuratively represent Him. He not only was speaking to me but everyone around me. We took our last night together and made it a completely different experience than ever before. My awakening was the first time I felt like the Lord was telling me to squad lead. This awakening the Lord was just there with me. Comforting and promising me that His promises are still Yes and Amen.
Updates
We leave for El Salvador on December 6th which is just around the corner!! There I will be leading a Mini Debrief for two days before ministry begins.
I will be switching ministries mid month to be with two different teams.
I am still 1,390 dollars away. As it is giving Tuesday I would love for you to consider donating and partnering with me as I continue to minister and be with P-Squad!!
