Before leaving for Race 2.0 the Lord gave me three words.
Presence.
Dependence.
Trust.
Presence not only in the here in now but being in tune in the presence of the Holy Spirit.
Dependence on the Father.
Trust… in LITERALLY every aspect of my life. Relationships. Situations. HIM!
As I have been gone for two and half months I see how the Lord has worked through me and used these in my everyday.
Last month was all squad month. Madie, my mentor and teammate, was able to be with us for two weeks and then she flew back to the states. My squad likes to joke that my team consists of me and Jesus because I am squad leading alone. Let me tell you, they are not wrong!
As Madie left I was struggling with sleeping, brokenness in my identity with different insecurities that I thought I had walked through and a whole lot of questions for the Lord about rejection and mercy giving as a spiritual gift.
I found that answers I wanted from human flesh I was not getting. So I turned to the Father.
I found that my insecurities were being triggered in different ways. So I turned to the Father.
I found that the rejection I was feeling was being redeemed from the pursuit of the Father.
While sitting in my brokenness I was able to journal with the Lord, worship on new levels, water color how I was feeling and have these constant conversations with Him. What was interesting though, is no matter how long I spent with Him I just wanted more.
The dictionary defines dependence as the state of relying on or being controlled by someone.
I love definitions because even if I know the meaning there is a deeper understanding. In all honesty I do not want to be controlled by anyone but Him. I found this month that the more I leaned in on Him and relied on Him the less people could affect my emotions.
My relationship with Him is a constant cycle of surrendering, sitting in the brokenness and depending on Him deeper. As I look at the last year, I think about how shallow my relationship with the Father seemed but it is only because I continue to get deeper and see His heart.
Updates:
I apologize for the lack of blogging. I finished my month in Honduras with Team Relentless Love. I am now with Team Grit!
We are in El Salvador!!! I have the opportunity to work with two different ministries this month as I am going to two different teams. Both are churches and I am already loving the people and the culture here.
I am 1,300 dollars away from being fully funded and I would love for you to consider donating before the end of the year. IT’S TAX DEDUCTIBLE!!!
