I had two questions the other day from back home that made me realize I should probably update y’all. This is my third attempt writing this blog. Its filled with alot of scattered thoughts and just a little glimpse of all the things that are happening in my life.
Debrief happened. The Lord spoke to me alot. I cried alot. I had salmonella poisoning. I was grieving loss and was in a complete funk. I was so angry with the Lord as an anniversary was coming up and I had so many questions. Last Monday I spent the day with the Lord doing different things and a switch flipped inside me.
The Lord has been extremely faithful and even when I am not intentionally talking to Him in a single moment He does something and internally I just have to thank Him. After debrief Madie and I began training the squad leaders and then we were able to go back with the squad. As the squad just experienced team changes I was able to be with a new team and see new dynamics which was so fun. We went into a remote village every day teaching english and doing VBS with the children. It was that life of simplicity I so eagerly love and find this deep freedom in.
Galentines came and went. EMPHASIS ON GAL. We as women of P-squad got vulnerable with one another, poured into one another by sharing ways we saw the Fathers heart in our actions and we ate cake. All of my favorite things. I sat in awe watching my sisters. Not just because of how much they have grown in the last four in a half months but how the Lord literally blessed me with them. I thrive in deep unique community and the ability we have to empower one another is crazy cool.
Lately I have had the opportunity to just dream. I leave in two weeks and I am going into this unknown period. I have my own human flesh plans but I am excited for the Lord to wreck them and put into place what He has. I know that He has a beautiful community waiting for me in the states. A group that loves the Lord, desires to serve the Lord and wants deep connection with fellow believers just as I do. THAT MAKES MY HEART UNBELIEVABLY HAPPY AND EXCITED TO MEET THEM!
The past few days have been of celebration. Celebration of making it through a week of training. Celebration of grieving the loss of P-squad. Celebration of making it a month through a break up. With this comes the huge lesson the Lord is teaching me.
He gives but He also takes.
Today reading in Jeremiah, it was talking about idolization. A few days before my break up the Lord told me it was going to happen. I know He loves me alot! He also told me I was idolizing my relationship and social media. I did not want to admit it because who wants to admit to idolizing anything if we are being real.
With this came so much brokenness, prayer and reevaluating what boundaries I needed to set. The Lord takes. Sometimes to test us. Sometimes to grow us and move us forward. Sometimes when we do not take good care of what He gives us. In other words sometimes it is to discipline but every single time it is because He loves us deeply. At the beginning of these five months I did not think I would have gone through all the things I have. I did not think I would have learned about the Father’s heart in the ways I have but this is what is so amazing about the God I serve. He does things in the most creative ways and always takes us somewhere we would never have thought to go on our own.
Material that has been so helpful in the last week! Check it out.
Book: Through the Eyes of a Lion By: Levi Lusko
Sermon on Youtube: Passion 2019: Christine Caine
Song: As You Find Me By: Hillsong UNITED
