Tears streaming down my face, sitting in a coffee shop….it officially sank in.
I signed up for an 11 month mission trip to 11 different countries.
It took me a month into the race to face reality but this is real.
Friday we attended an American night for teens in Tirana Albania and as much fun as I had it made me miss home. I looked at a slide show made of all the states and tourist sites and of course all the monuments of Washington DC were on there. This longing to be back in the city I called home for over a year was unexplainable.
Saturday was adventure day. Thank you to my amazing team we hit up a museum. To top it off it was a history museum all about government and the communist regime of Albania. It was amazing to learn all about what Albanians have went through and the poverty it has caused. I felt like I was in Washington DC sifting through information and thriving in this museum. This adventure day turned into a self care day.
Sunday at church I shared my testimony. I then FaceTimed my family and new beautiful niece. As I say goodbye I try to hold back the tears but they start flowing.
It is not necessarily because I am not home right now but the fact that I will not be home for 10 more months.
I will not meet my niece for 10 months.
I will miss a wedding, that if you would have asked me a year ago, I absolutely would have to be there.
The struggle of the language barrier this month will continue for the next 10 months of my life.
Not understanding church services, needing a translator and trying to play charades to communicate will continue.
Learning a culture for three weeks and then saying good bye is just a part of life.
Living out of my backpack with few clothes is a part of the journey.
Craving American food and Starbucks will be something I have to get used to.
Living in close proximities with girls is just beginning.
Alone time looks like sitting in coffee shops a few tables away from my teammates for 300 more days.
Maybe you think these are negative perspectives but this is what ran through my head yesterday as I cried.
Hours later though I thought of Abandonment. To give up all I have ever known for something much greater.
Just as so many did in the bible.
This is not about me, my comforts or a vacation.
This is about getting closer to the Lord. Loving like Jesus loves us. Serving every person I come in contact with. Sharing Christ through painting, dancing, singing, conversation, and whatever other way He may ask of me this year.
Abandoning my family. Abandoning my friends. Abandoning a 9-5 job. Abandoning old life.
All for a God that I am underserving of.
I’m so proud of you! Keep thriving and spreading your love, His love and joy everywhere you go. You’re amazing!
If anyone is capable of loving everyone around them unconditionally it is you B Smith! Everyone around you is so lucky to have your positive attitude, hilarious laugh, and encouraging spirit! You can do it!
You’ve got this, Brittany. So proud of you for setting aside your American life and dreams for something much bigger. And profound. And eternal. So happy that our God of the Universe, Who created and formed you in your mother’s womb, destined you to be in Albania, for such a time as this, for such a people as the Albanians. Can’t wait to learn more about your astounding journey over the next 10 months.
We love you SO much Aunt Britt & are SO incredibly proud of you … what a month it’s been all ready for you … of growth, of change, of transition & of absolute love in the purest & rarest form! As you said, “loving like Jesus loves us” … the last few paragraphs gave me goose bumps, so powerful, so brave of you & so true! We are praying ?? For you and sending you great BIG squishy new baby snuggles & hugs ?? from alllllll of us!! ??
Soooo all those ? Are emojis … lol; can’t blame me for trying ha! 🙂 Love you!!
Change and distance are always tough, but so are you – always have been . . . always will be! Through this all, you will become even stronger . . . never doubt that. You have not abandoned the things you love and hold dear . . . you just have a new perspective on life. And we all respect you greatly for that.
Love these vulnerable thoughts and love you! I am so glad we are serving together and I love learning more about your beautiful heart everyday! I can’t wait to see the women that God makes us in the next 10 months! He’s changing our lives for the better!
Aww girl, I can dare say that I can relate with some of your feelings by thinking about my first year in the United States. It’s so tough to withstand all the homesickness and challenges being a foreigner in a new country, and to be on top of your game. I’m sorry you are feeling that way. I hope you have a community there that supports and lifts up you up during this time. I can already see God working in your life, though! Praying and rooting for you! You go girl. Much love
When driving a car there’s a reason why the wind shield is huge and the rear view mirror is so small, praise God for where he has taken you and will take you! Praying for your daily bread and that you keep realizing what a sacrifice following christ is! Trust me it’s not easy, but so sweet!! Praying for new peace!