Tears streaming down my face, sitting in a coffee shop….it officially sank in.

I signed up for an 11 month mission trip to 11 different countries.

It took me a month into the race to face reality but this is real.

Friday we attended an American night for teens in Tirana Albania and as much fun as I had it made me miss home. I looked at a slide show made of all the states and tourist sites and of course all the monuments of Washington DC were on there. This longing to be back in the city I called home for over a year was unexplainable.

Saturday was adventure day. Thank you to my amazing team we hit up a museum. To top it off it was a history museum all about government and the communist regime of Albania. It was amazing to learn all about what Albanians have went through and the poverty it has caused. I felt like I was in Washington DC sifting through information and thriving in this museum. This adventure day turned into a self care day.

Sunday at church I shared my testimony. I then FaceTimed my family and new beautiful niece. As I say goodbye I try to hold back the tears but they start flowing.

It is not necessarily because I am not home right now but the fact that I will not be home for 10 more months.

I will not meet my niece for 10 months.
I will miss a wedding, that if you would have asked me a year ago, I absolutely would have to be there.
The struggle of the language barrier this month will continue for the next 10 months of my life.
Not understanding church services, needing a translator and trying to play charades to communicate will continue.
Learning a culture for three weeks and then saying good bye is just a part of life.
Living out of my backpack with few clothes is a part of the journey.
Craving American food and Starbucks will be something I have to get used to.
Living in close proximities with girls is just beginning.
Alone time looks like sitting in coffee shops a few tables away from my teammates for 300 more days.

Maybe you think these are negative perspectives but this is what ran through my head yesterday as I cried.

Hours later though I thought of Abandonment. To give up all I have ever known for something much greater.

Just as so many did in the bible.

This is not about me, my comforts or a vacation.
This is about getting closer to the Lord. Loving like Jesus loves us. Serving every person I come in contact with. Sharing Christ through painting, dancing, singing, conversation, and whatever other way He may ask of me this year.

Abandoning my family. Abandoning my friends. Abandoning a 9-5 job. Abandoning old life.

All for a God that I am underserving of.