You Need To Know.

Well I have officially been back in the states for 42 days. In most ways it has felt so much longer than that. I spent a week in Georgia, a week in Florida/Bahamas and have been traveling around Indiana to see different people. With the busy-ness you would think it would have flown by but this has not been an easy season. From Instagram, Facebook and any other social media platform you would think differently.

Fun pictures.
Reuniting with friends.
Traveling.
Different events.

What you could not see were the break downs. The days I would lay on the couch feeling depressed. The hard conversations it brought. Those triggers that I had to deal with head on and a lot of prayer. Coming home I thought this reentry would be easier. I thought I knew what to expect but because of an unknown future and heart ache it was by far more difficult. I reflected on this and realized that it not only made sense but it was okay. It was okay not to be okay.

I am the most grateful for my family and friends. They have walked along side of me and not just ignored the heart ache. I have easily been able to voice how I feel, what I need and where my mind is at. They have sat with me through the tears, asking the most intentional questions and always following up. Through the darkness though God has still been so good to me.

As I was preparing to come home I told the Lord the only thing I cared about was a good community. I asked Him to provide that for me and that I wanted an older mentor that was not my age. By the love of the Father I was asked to a bible study and I do not have one older mentor I have ten or more women that have lived more life than me, are all married and I get to glean from them every week as we dig deeper into the word and learn about hospitality. Community takes time and I believe the Lord is still going to provide me with those single girls who just want to love, serve and live for the Lord but in the mean time I celebrate this part of my new community and another glimpse of the Father fulfilling promises.

When planning out what was next I told the Lord what I wanted to do but I also asked Him to please close doors and take away whatever He did not want me to have. Well let me just say He has been showering me with blessings. I was accepted to Indiana Wesleyan University to begin my Masters program on April 29th. I am beyond excited for this 16 months of learning and furthering my education in the Social Work field.

With this I applied to two jobs and once again the Lord blessed me with two interviews. On Wednesday after both of them I came home and I laid in my bed and I cried. I had a hard conversation with the Lord of trying to understand why I was not celebrating. This mercy-giving heart had other things on her mind and I was feeling them deeply. Even through this the Lord is still good. I was offered a job the next day and have a second interview for the other job. I will begin at Parkview as a Social Services Specialist doing Case Management in the Emergency Room. I am soon excited to work in the medical realm of social work and provide ministry in this way.

I think all to say that the Lord has been blessing me and showing Himself over and over again even through this valley. Through this, He is sitting there with me. We have had so much time together talking on runs, in coffee shops or worshipping together in the car. I have continued to read through scripture and He is literally blowing my mind with different verses and new revelations. I feel so undeserving. Yet He says I am worthy, deserving, and so loved and sometimes we need to cling to that a little tighter. So here is to alot of vulnerability and finding things to celebrate in the really dark times. Celebration and gratefulness will get you moving forward. Find it, thank the Lord for it and keep moving because He’s got more coming for you!!

Love y’all

Besides verses I am a huge lover of quotes. Here is one from John Piper that has helped me ALOT in this season!!!

My feelings are not God. God is God. My feelings do not define truth. God’s word defines truth. My feelings are echoes and responses to what my mind perceives. And sometimes-many times- my feeling are out of sync with the truth. When that happens-and it happens every day in some measure- I try not to bend the truth to justify my imperfect feelings, but rather, I plead with God: Purify my perceptions of your truth and transform my feelings so that they are in sync with truth.