I am currently on the toll road headed to Chicago but really Romania because I get to see P-squad for the week as they debrief. I have the opportunity to have one on ones, worship, sessions and get to teach on re-entry. Which honestly is so exciting because I am currently living that re-renty life. You might say that because I have been home for 3 months that I am not, although this is a slow going process that hits at different times. Through this the Lord still remains so good.
I first want to share that I have completed my first month of work and school and wow wow wow it has been a busy season. Going from nothing in my schedule to 60 hour weeks it has been quite the transition. The first week felt like a month and there were breakdowns and question of is this really life? God, how can I be thankful for this season? Change my heart because I cannot do this for 16 months.
What I have learned is that I have needs and I cannot sacrifice these in order to be the best I can be every day. Sleep. Exercise. Quality time with the Lord. These three things I need to function and if I do not make these priorities or they become interrupted throughout the week then things seem off within my physical, spiritual, and emotional realm. I do not want you to think that I do not love school or work because my coworkers are the greatest and I am learning so much in my masters.
I am learning to ask for what I need. Because I am going to be gone for the next few weeks I was feeling extremely overwhelmed by all the tasks I needed to get done and the homework that needed to be complete leading up to my trip so I can fully be present with P-squad. I felt guilt and a little shame for asking off of work one day but it was the best decision I made. With this the Lord is teaching me that even with making things priorities we are going to fail but there is so much grace and in the asking, the worse that could occur is a no.
This season has been weepy but I had to make the choice to stop letting heart ache define my every day. An example of this was anxiety every Sunday as I went to church and it was so difficult for me to want to switch churches at the same time. The church I was attending had great opportunities where community could come with intentionality but I cannot go to church every Sunday feeling anxious. It is supposed to feel safe and it did not. I was driving to try out a new church and on my way I was sobbing. “God what is the point of community?” “I have community and then I lose it.” I was headed toward all the lies and negative thoughts and said “Wait, woah Brit, thats not you speaking anymore.” I love community. My heart thrives in deep, intentional community and I love having Christ-centered friends that build me up, challenge me by giving me feedback when I do not look like Jesus, and walk along side of me in the dark valleys that I could not possibly get through on my own. So I stopped that thought and went inside the church building. The Holy Spirit was moving in that place. I was crying during worship by how much the Lord provided for me. I loved my church before but I always felt like people were going through the motions during worship instead of letting the Holy Spirt lead.
THEN GOD GAVE ME THIS GIFT!!
Y’all I just have to say that when the Lord tells you to do something do not hesitate. It could literally save you from false hope, anxiety and grieving community all over again. I was not obedient in switching churches when I first came home but now I am restarting, rebuilding and starting to get a handle on this whole re-entry thing and I am thankful that Abba did not turn away because of my disobedience!!!
Talk to you after Europe!!
Prayer Requests:
Month 8 debrief and that the Lord keeps on moving in their hearts and mine.
I have 225 dollars left to raise in the next few days and would love your prayers and consideration in tithing.
A healed heart that does not carry bitterness with it.
