Too Much

I sat in the car, tears streaming down my face.
I looked over to Lauren and said “I just feel like I am too much.”
Over the past few months, it feels like I have heard that often and I have let those phrases soak into my head.
One hard conversation that ended with “you will not let me lead you.”
What I heard was “you are too much.”
Two job interviews and a call that said “you are over qualified for this position but we pinned your application.”
What I heard was “you are too much.”
I think in this Christian culture we focus on the “I am not enough.” Here I was sitting feeling like I was too much. Laur and Hales poured alot of truth into how I was feeling and I wonder…
how Jesus felt on earth?
Just as much as He felt like He was not enough, I can imagine He felt like He was too much for those around Him.
Like He was extra but He never stopped being Himself.
He never stopped His ministry or intimacy with His father and I believe thats what I am learning right now. That even though I feel like too much I have to thank the Lord for this strong personality that He has given me. I have to thank Him for the leadership skills He has given me and this heart of social justice where I will fight for what is right. As much as I have walked through who I am in Christ, the enemy knows where to go and how to get to me and sometimes I just have to be reminded by my sisters when I get a little off track.
Theres a little piece of my heart for you.

In other news:
I AM FULLY FUNDED!!!!! Thank you to those who have donated to me, prayed for me and supported this journey as the Lord provided over 26,000 dollars in 2.5 years!!

I have been home for two weeks. Seeing my P-squad was amazing, exhausting, and rejuvenating all at once. I was able to have 25 one on ones out of the 32 still on the squad. I was able to teach on reentry, worship often and just thrive in a church where I feel most like myself. I had a four day layover in Italy where I was able to just explore and be with Madie for a fun little girls trip. The Lord really showed me that my life is at home now as much as I wish it was with P-squad and overseas I was ready to be back.

Coming home, I had to readjust to the 7 hour time change and I was in a weird funk. I texted Madie and told her to pray for me because I was experiencing so much apathy. Lets just say your girl who has alot of empathy is back and I have been living my best life this week as I finish my first graduate class and work on the daily.

I go to Uganda towards the end of August for P-squads final debrief and I would love your prayers for them as they prepare to reenter, listen to the Lord on what is next and just soak in these last two months together!!! I have associated this country with other peoples stories and memories and I am so excited to go make my own!!

I would love prayer requests and life updates from y’all!!!